Yep, it’s back, with a vengeance! It’s the continual cold, snow, lack of sun and all that goes with that which triggers my utter sadness despite all the good that is in my life.
Oh, I can name all the reasons why I shouldn’t be deep down crying sad, why I should be grateful and at the very least, mildly upbeat. I am pretty darn healthy, have reliable transportation, a home with heat and water and food, things so many are forced to live without in this bitter cold and harsh winter. I have generous and caring family and friends who bring so much goodness to my life. I have a challenging and rewarding job with many co-workers I admire and respect. I have a wonderful partner and two adorable cats who show me they love me often. All this and yet, I find myself irritable, distracted, unable to concentrate and downright melancholy. I know the symptoms well, they have plagued my winters for a few years now and I thought that this winter I had it licked … no real episodes of this unbearable woebegone-ness (ok, I don’t know if that’s a real word but I’m depressed, I am allowed to make up dispirited words) up until this last week. I guess I should be glad for that … at least I didn’t have to deal all winter long with the symptoms.
But, this is very hard for me … I’m the upbeat one among my friends, my family, in my workplace. I’m not supposed to be spouting the f~bombs and taking offense at every seemingly cross word uttered by others … those usually make me giggle. UGH! This snow globe is closing in on me and squeezing the air out making it difficult to breathe deeply, sleep soundly and keep an even keel.
I know “this too shall pass” and honestly, that’s what gets me through these periods of time when I am out of sorts. I keep telling myself that it WILL get better, that I WILL survive and THRIVE again. I tell myself it’s just the huge amounts of snow and the bitter cold that keep me feeling so forlorn and those will be gone in a few weeks. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Spring Training right around the corner (I’m counting down the days … 16 until the first games) I don’t think I could even sit here and write, I’d be so aggravated. But, time will move on and the days will lengthen and we will have a garden again, I just know it! Oh gosh, please don’t let this summer be like the one in 1816, then for sure I’d be a goner!